+FillUs

I probably wouldn't admit how stressed I was the whole week leading up to Highlands Sky 40. Now that it's over, I realized I was partly in denial and partly rationalizing it as healthy nervousness. A 40-mile race is long for me. It's technical. And I pulled my lat muscle carrying a handheld bottle a week before the race. I am out of my comfort zone. At the start As everything in this world that is governed by time, the race is bound to happen like an unstoppable incoming train. A line from Bridges of Spies came to mind the evening before the race. When his lawyer James Donovan observes the alleged Russian Spy Rudolf Abel doesn't seem a bit nervous about his pending trial, he asks him about it and to which Abel responds: "Is it going to help?" Of the many things that I am concerned about the race, weather isn't one of them. We start the race in cool mountain temperature and I find myself nestle in the crowd, just going with the flow. There are dist...

“The secret of man is the secret of his responsibility.” -Václav Havel This weekend, I’ve learned that you can be both undertrained and overtrained. A few week ago, I signed up for the Eastern Divide 50k because I wanted a longer race in June as training. My last one was the Leatherwood 50k in April and I haven’t run longer than 20 miles since. I did, however, start training with the TriYon team again, which means adding back a bit of strength and speed work into my running. Hence, undertrained with less than ideal miles on my legs, but overtrained with tired muscles from workouts. That didn’t dampen the excitement of a weekend getaway at Mountain Lake in Pembroke, VA, though. A group of Salisbury runners rented a house at the Mountain Lake Lodge, where “Dirty Dancing” was filmed , and they welcomed me as a late add-on. Eastern Divide 50k is a point-to-point race that starts from the Cascade Falls in the Jefferson National Forest, up and down Butt Mountain, through for...

Two Sundays ago, I skipped church for a run at Crowders. Lately, I've gotten into the habit of getting in a run before church. I like the post-run me: content, happy, cleansed. So much so that when I realized I wouldn't have time to run before church, I still chose to run. Needless to say, I felt guilty. I was afraid that I was once again placing something else above God. 168 hours a week, I couldn't even consecrate one hour to worship and give thanks? As I dug deeper, however, I realized there was something else. Running gives me satisfaction. I feel fresh afterwards. I am less grumpy. I am content. I am centered. I am better...without relying on God. Going to church afterwards is just icing on the cake. I was relying on myself to save myself. We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life. (Romans 6:4 ESV) But that is not the Gospel and t...

​The " Big Rocks of Life " analogy keeps coming back. I have been contemplating on going on another eMi trip this year, but fear that it'd interfere with my fundraising to becoming a full-time staff with eMi and also drains more of my resources. The analogy came back and reminded me to put the important things - the big rocks - first, and other things will fall into place. A day after I've made up my mind about going, a few affirmations came rolling in. Yes, yes, I get it. Mind the big rocks first. Last Friday night, I witness more big rocks - the important stuff - in running. It was Derek's race, the Night Mare. In many ways, a lot of us have also taken ownership of it - even me, a participant/consumer/spectator. I saw many familiar faces at the race, and then even more that were volunteering. The Revolutions crew rocks. They were selfless, and they sacrificed their time for the benefit of others. They even suffered for others, spending hours and hours in a cold...

All along, even up till moments before the race, I was ambivalent about the Hong Kong-100(k). While I was stoked about the race itself, my training since getting into the race through lottery in September had been plagued by injuries. I was very much out of training for two months till November. The two months leading up to the race, I had but two weeks with weekly mileage above 50. Still building on base mileage, my shin splints poked up its nasty head last week. In spite of all that, I still had hopes to tough this thing out. For the first time, I even wrote a list of motivations to keep me moving and promised myself to go through the list before I would call quit. Part of my list includes: Running for Ellis: because I get to be alive and well to do it; How do I want to remember the race after tomorrow? "If you can take it, you can make it!" The more I thought about the race, however, the more pressure I put on myself. I am so glad that I schedule the race to be at ...

After spending half of the summer on injury reserve, I'm slowly coming back and adding back mileage cautiously. First two to three weeks had been sluggish. My legs had no spring, running uphill felt like hopping up and down on the same spot, and I just felt heavy. With each run, however, I'm gradually feeling like my old self again. Then, I remember. My muscles, my cardiovascular system, and my body in general need to re-learn and re-adapt to the heavy-lifting of running. They need to be strengthen again. It does get easier with practice...just like everything in life. Loving others takes practice. Extending kindness takes practice. Giving grace takes practice. As I am so thankful to be able to run and visit my favorite places again, I'm reminded that love also is a muscle; use it often. :)

If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son! "If—" by Rudyard Kipling A close friend is dealing with some difficult health issues. The short story is that he is - in his words - holding a "6 months, 6 years, or hit by a bus” outlook of his life. He shares with us that his new favorite word is now "intentional." Again, in his words, "We only have so much time. All of us. And we don't know how much. Don't miss your life. Live purposefully." ​Time doesn't wait. When the unforgiving minute is gone, it's gone. As I'm spending these minutes typing this, my intention is that we will all be reminded to live intentionally. In the greater scheme of things, we want our lives to have purpose and we strive to live for something greater than ourselves. However, do such meaning and purpos...

Toxaway River* A lot has been going around me and in the world lately. First, death of a dear friend. Then, the war between Hamas and Israel. Genocide of Christians and other minorities in Iraq. Friends going through Chemotherapy. Then more friends find out they have cancer. Death in extended family. I wish there is something I could do. I want to be out there to fight for justice and human rights, to deliver aids, to do whatever is needed. Instead, I live in a perfectly peaceful bubble, sit at a desk eight hours a day, and go home. Perhaps it’s the powerlessness that prompted me to sign up for the Laurel Valley Whitewater Endurance Run the last minute, a race which is known for its difficulty and beauty, and also one that has been on my radar for two years but I never did have the courage to sign up till now.  A few things you need to know about the Laurel Valley run: No one knows exactly how long the course is. Most veterans I’ve talked to agree that it’s 35 miles....

Pre-race (7.11.2014) : When I opened that email with a subject line "Updates on Kevin Childs," the first word that caught my eyes was "thankful." For a brief moment I was ready to believe that it'd be good news, but that was not to be. Pastor Kevin is with our Heavenly Father. Two days later, I'm still trying to comprehend the fact that he's gone. Sometimes life is full of pieces that don't fit together but string together by time. Because after reading that email, I went about my work day as usual. Replied emails. Incorporated some design changes. Modeled. Then, I picked up my bags and left for a trip that I had been looking forward to: spending a few days in Boone with running friends and leaving for a family trip in Quebec after that. Thursday evening was the Bear, a five-mile run up Grandfather Mountain. At the end of the race, Mark Rostan came to me and handed me a piece of printed tile. It took me a few seconds to make out what it...

We are not built for the mountains and the dawns and aesthetic affinities, those are for moments of inspiration, that is all. We are built for the valley, for the ordinary stuff we are in, and that is where we have to prove our mettle. -Oswald Chambers Training has been going well, but the increase in mileage and intensity have left me more tired than usual. I went on a solo long run at Crowders today. I forgot that without the great running companions, along with them the extra motivation and captivating conversations, training could be hard! As I pulled myself up the hills, I was reminded of my Promise Land 50k+ experience two weekends ago. I, too, was tired that day. Though I ran a decent race, I wasn't happy with it. That is because I know I could have done better, if I had pay more attention to my diet and rest leading up to the race. More than evaluating a race day effort, I need to look at my everyday effort, "on and off the court." Spiritual discipline is t...

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (James 1:2-4 ESV). Leatherwood HQ (Photo credit: Stephanie Moore) I’ve always known that running requires not only physical fitness, but also mental power. What I did not realize till this weekend was mental power did not just mean “toughing it out” or “sucking it up” during the race, but it also meant changing our attitude before and during a difficult race. Last year while running the Leatherwood 10-miler, I was very glad that I wasn’t running the 50k/mile; but this year, I was going to be that person running the 50k. The weather forecast leading up to the race didn’t look good and it had gotten progressively worse. Knowing the slightest rain would turn the horse trails into mud pits, I was not looking forward to it. Just a...

A day after Umstead Marathon, I was stranded at CLT due to flight cancellations and delays. It is only going to be a short trip - which is even shorter now - to renew my work visa. Without my laptop and so much time to burn, I browsed through and caught up in my reading of Runner’s World, Backpackers, and Outdoor. Time didn’t look interesting. I didn’t see the New Yorker. Then, the Harvard Business Journal caught my eyes with bright yellow letters: Work vs Life. While I am sad that we compartmentalize work and consider the rest of our lives outside of work...life, I admit that I struggle with the same thing. We all know the looming fear of Monday after an epic weekend spent with friends, on trails, in a cabin, by the fire, up in the mountains. And when Monday eventually comes… In the article , Harvard business students survey over 4,000 executives in regards to their work/life balance and draw conclusions from almost five years' worth of interviews. The key to such balance?...

DNF is a hard pill to swallow, even if it's not your A, or B, or C race for that matter. More than just the initial disappointment and whatever caused the misfortune in the first place, DNFs cast a looming and lingering sense of defeat every time you think about the race, see that race shirt in the closet, and hear someone talks about the race. I hope I could report a race of triumphant perseverance, but this is not the case.  Since I have written reports on my good races this year, I feel that it's important that I include this one, too. The short story is that I pulled my abductor muscle earlier this week, took two days off, hoped for the best, and toed the start line. When the increasing pain urged me to stop at the aid station at mile 14, I realized I could barely lift my leg up pass 45 degrees. At that point, I realized I had to either take the DNF, or finish the race with an injury. Compounding the disappoint is the knowledge that I am not able earn my finisher...

After months of preparation, JFK 50 came and gone. In addition to it being only my second 50-miler, this race is unlike any other which I've done. First of all, JFK is old - the oldest in the States. “In 1962, President John F. Kennedy (JFK) was concerned about the fitness of the nation and got the idea for a 50 mile (80 km) hike from an 1908 Executive Order of then President Theodore Roosevelt, that tested the fitness of U.S. Marine officers by marching 50 miles. In turn, President JFK coyly challenged his staff to hike 50 miles in a day.” "The need for increased attention to physical fitness is clearly established. The Government cannot compel us to act, but freedom demands it. A nation is merely a sum of all its citizens, and its strength, energy and resourcefulness can be no greater than theirs." - John F. Kennedy Many of these challenges in different parts of the States ceased after the assassination of JFK, but this one in Maryland “changed it's name fro...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." -Marianne Williamson Marianne Williamson identifies herself as a "spiritual teacher," whose books are "must-reads" of the New Spirituality. She and her work appeal to those "seeking a relationship with God that is not strictly tethered to Christianity," according to the Time Magazine. I can't recall from where I first read this quote, but it came to mind while running the Rocky Raccoon 50k this past Saturday. I want to mention the background of the quote because while it resonates, I read and understand it in light of my own spirituality and beliefs, which is Christianity. Lately, I've been examining my own fears. Running has helped me become a better person in ways that I never expect. Many of my fears, like fear of failure and commitment, manifest itself through running. This time, it's the fear of "what if I c...

If you want to read a good race recap, you should read this . I know; it’s a different race, by a different person. But it’s a great read, written by my friend, Derek, who is a trooper and a giant squirrel . Now, back to Triple Lake 40 on Oct. 5, 2013. I love long distance. Define “long” however you like; for me, it has always meant longer than I’d like to or normally run. At the moment, a 40-miler is long. Perhaps one day, a 50-miler will still not be enough. The reason I like running long distance, or pushing a little further than I am accustomed to, is because I get to experience so much more both emotionally and physically. Anything shorter than a 50k is somewhat predictable. I can expect that I’ll take me a couple miles to warm up, then there will come a low point, then there will be time I’m just cruising, then I’ll be done. But a new distance, like a 40-miler, is different. There’s both a thrill and a fear in not knowing what to expect. Am I running too fast? How will my l...